Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Randomize
