I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
