we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
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