at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
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