dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
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