so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
Randomize
