so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
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