Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
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