She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
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Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
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How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
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