Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
They are going to name an STD after you.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
Randomize
