There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
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