i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
