Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
You ruined the universe
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Randomize
