I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
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We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
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Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
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