my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Randomize
