We got so high we made milksteak
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
