I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Randomize
