Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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