If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
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I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
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I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
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