Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize
