According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
Randomize
