you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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