No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
Randomize
