I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
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