Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
Randomize
