You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Randomize
