Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Randomize
