He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
Swine flu is the new snow day.
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I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
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It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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