we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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