he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
Randomize
