There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
You are the jesus of drinking
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
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