So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
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