final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
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