wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
