Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
Randomize
