her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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