u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
