Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
