What a fucking waste of an outfit
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
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