Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
