Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
