Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
