The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Randomize
