Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
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