Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
wanna go halves on a baby?
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
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