Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Randomize
