when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
someone get that fucking seahorse.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
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