in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
Randomize
