There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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