we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
Randomize
