If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
Randomize
