Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Randomize
