i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Randomize
