Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
