Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
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The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
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Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
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