you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
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