He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize