I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
Randomize
