forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Randomize
