When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
Randomize
